Softly to the Solstice
Make like the sun and stand still for a while
Hello. This post started out life as a journal entry. It went…
I am showing up and journaling because it makes me feel better and I am trying to find ways to reconnect.
There has not been much sun in the Vale of White Horse this springtime so our energy has been channeled in other directions than our usual gardening exploits, now with the weather somewhat settling, if not quite ‘turning’ we are taking a pause, like the sun at the solstice (this Thursday!) and taking stock of the last couple of months.
Last weekend we went camping, our first time as a family with our own tent. I love camping - camping is graft, but good graft. The sort of work that reconnects you to your body, the land, your purpose. There is always something to do to keep you in the present; preparing the food, washing up, tending to the fire. We stayed at a Greener Camping Club site and with it being the weekend after half term, we were the only ones camping in the meadow - it was idyllic. On the Saturday we visited Avebury stones, communed with the stones and the sheep, ate cream teas, bought ritual supplies and reconnected with each other. A particular highlight was the milk vending machine in the middle of the town, supplying fresh, cold, local milk - ideal for day two of camping when we’d gone a bit overboard with the only pint we’d brought with us. Avebury is a beautiful place, with an incredibly restorative energy.
Coming back to life, which is far from normal at the moment, I found myself dissociating and disconnected from the things I love to do (like writing here), maybe due to the lack of bandwidth from recent times.
As always, I find the deepest wisdom comes from my children…
Life throws them so many challenges yet they are mostly present and joyful. They remind me of what it feels like to be safe and loved. It has been lovely to celebrate Ted’s sixth trip around the sun this week which has been full of playing outside, football, family and cake.
I endeavour to release control. We are at somewhat of a crossroads in many aspects of our life. There is lots out of our control and we are at the sticky phase of metamorphosis. It is uncomfortable, exciting, scary and yet filled with out-of-the ordinary opportunities like a weekend camping together. I am deeply grateful for my family and I am keenly aware of the immense privilege we have to be together at this time.
And so I turn to come back home. To bring my mind back home to my body because it has been busy, off doing myriad things. To be present, to practise stillness.
I have recently been formally diagnosed as autistic, and although I have known in my heart for a few years, there were many years before that which could do with some healing and there is a whole future to navigate. I heard a great anecdote recently about autism being like playing a video game set on hard mode but you don’t know that it is. You keep dying but you don’t know why. Being diagnosed is like knowing the game is on hard mode - it is still very difficult but you can strategise. My diagnosis comes after years of waiting and I am grateful for the support, validation and help for the future. Diagnosis is not accessible for everyone who needs it and I hope that is something that our upcoming votes in the UK can begin to change.
During my diagnostic assessment, the clinician passed me an ADHD screening form which turned out to be off the charts. Another lot of learning, unlearning, strategizing and being kinder to myself for forgetting to moisturise, forgetting my glasses, driving through the wrong gate, yet arriving to school an hour early on Friday!
More than ever I am seeking community. HR are putting me in touch with a couple of colleagues who are in a similar boat to me and at home, we are making connections gradually in our local community.
My spiritual practice continues to ground me and help me find meaning more than ever. I will be eternally grateful to Brigid, along with my friends and supporters, for the fact that after 20 years and three times of asking, I have finally been accepted as a student to the University of Oxford. I will be taking an MSc in Learning and Teaching alongside and as part of my role in school, starting in October. Please allow me the following photo of me cheesing in a mortar board:
So it is safe to say that there has been a lot on!
Vale of White Horse witches, pagans and spiritual folk (or please pass this on if you know one!) I’m keen to start a collective with seasonal gatherings so please send me a message or add a comment below - I would love to connect.