Do you believe in God?
This morning, our seven year old daughter asked my husband whether or not he believed in God. He answered in his usual way: “I don’t know, I think so, maybe.” She then asked why we have a statue of the Buddha on our dresser. I explained to her that he was a man whose example we look to, a Buddha who achieved enlightenment- a way of being free from pain or wanting things. He is important to Dad.
My husband has a great affinity with Buddhism and its teachings, especially those of Thich Nhat Hahn which have been invaluable to us over the course of our lives so far.
She then asked me whether or not I believe in God. I answered, “Yes, I do” and went on to explain how I think it is important for us as humans to believe in something bigger than ourselves and to find wonder in the things that we can not understand.
At this point, the conversation turned to buying food for second breakfast but it has stayed with me for the rest of the day.
I believe in something that is bigger than myself because I need to. Whether I turn out to be eventually right or wrong is immaterial. Without veering off into one of my seasonal existential crises (the void or eternity - argh!) I will attempt to explain.
I am a believer in an Earth based spirituality. Within that I gain a lot of strength from my connection to the Earth, the changing of the seasons and folklore of goddesses of old. I have long followed ‘influencers’ - those spiritualists with a media presence as well as seeking out like minded folk within my own community.
Recently I have seen a disturbing trend of some of those spiritual folk converting to an extreme form of “Christianity” (The inverted commas are there because although this is the name their practice bears, it is far from the love and peace of Christ).
A former friend also converted to Catholicism and as she did she turned away from me. These people are all united by extremes. They often completely renounce anything from another culture or religion to them: no more yoga, no more meditation (although what is prayer if not meditative?)
On the surface, I should be delighted for these beings knowing Jesus. For that, in fact, I truly am. It does not take long, however, for the cracks to show. A shared link here and there, a post or two later and it becomes clear. None of the ‘Love one another as I have loved you’ as the Lord professed, but homophobia, transphobia, racism, xenophobia and misogyny. In a world so divided by hate, it pains me to see folks turn away from the wellbeing of others and towards evil, in the name of the Lord.
They, of course, do not represent the truth of Christianity. I have recently become a follower of Father Lizzie of the Jubilee Episcopal Church in Austin, TX - an affirming church which follows the teachings of the Lord and includes everyone.
Texas is a little too far from Oxfordshire.
I was brought up, and still am, I suppose, a Roman Catholic. Growing up in a North-East town, full of Irish heritage, I earned all my badges - baptism, confession, first holy communion, confirmation- the lot.
I am angry at those who took the peace of Christ away from me and am jealous of those who now enjoy it. After a childhood of being constantly told that someone like me (bisexual, genderqueer) would burn in hell, that I was ‘unnatural’ - at home, at school and at church, I resolved to stop punishing myself for existing and left the church.
And although they are both baptised, my children go to a secular school after I discovered that much of the “Christian” messaging remains the same after all these years.
I hope one day they will know Jesus.
I hope one day that things will change.
I will be sad to see people leave what they call ‘the New Age’ once they have converted, only to find that they have been taken in by the fear of man.
All that to say, yes, I do believe in God, and I miss it.