Death of the Unicorn

Notes on middle childhood

I find my daughter fascinating. She’s just about to turn 8 and she has recently experienced a gentle but noticeable shift in her energy. A levelling up of sorts.

Fran is not a girlie girl but also not a tomboy. She is fairly sporty but is not quite ready to join clubs or teams that come with pressures.

She’s just Fran, feisty, with deep feelings, a great sense of fun and a good heart.

She’s been going along nicely and then came this weekend - The death of the unicorn.

To provide some context, Fran has always had the ‘big room’ in the houses that we have lived in as the eldest, but she has never been one to keep it neat or look after her stuff.

Until this weekend.

Armed with a new sense of self and style, Fran chose to give away 3/4 of her possessions in favour of forging her own path. A new, clearer room emerged, with space to dance, far less overwhelmed by a mountain of hand-me-down clothes that were past their second-best and didn’t suit her, or a pile of books that someone else had loved but that she couldn’t connect with.

EVERYTHING WITH A UNICORN ON IT HAS GONE.

This process is not a giving up of childhood, nor a racing towards adolescence, what Fran is telling us is that she is entering the phase of middle childhood. A magical age between roughly 8-12, when kids start to find out who they are and enjoy being young but with a little more independence than they had as infants.

And there was more…

It has been common knowledge (with a knowing wink) in our household that I am the birthday fairy. Folks are advised to speak their wishes aloud so the ‘birthday fairy’ - moi, can hear their requests for cake flavours and gift ideas. But not until last week did the transition of these thoughts about birthdays transfer to the big man in red. I overheard her talking to her dad about it, she was calm and logical and announced that it was impossible to get to every house in one evening. When Chris confirmed the truth, but advised her that people, especially younger folk still enjoy the magic, she gave a sage-like nod, mission understood. I ran downstairs to join her and she looked up at me and smiled, knowing that not only am I the birthday fairy, I also have a seasonal job in the winter 😉

Lots of other little changes are happening too, she’s asked for her ears pierced for her birthday, and, after having set herself a goal, she has worked hard to get onto the accelerated reader programme at school.

She’s had her first broken heart after her best friend moved far away, and her first love note tucked into her reading book.

She’s not a baby, nor a teen. She knows why she can’t have a phone yet and loves playing outside, riding bikes, climbing and being in nature. It’s all coming from her and I can’t help but being inspired by her. Fran’s new awakening has invited me to reflect on this new phase in my own life - what is my style now I’m in mid-life?

I’ll to learn to be a guide, to listen more and to take an interest in and facilitate all the many milestones she is approaching. And although the unicorns have gone, what remains is the magic. We’re having a little gathering to celebrate her solar return, a circle of little women with a fire, crystals and marshmallows and lots of fun to come.